I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
