Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
