So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it penis luge time yet?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
