Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
