dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
