I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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