Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
