dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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