can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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