You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
