My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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