Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
