I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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