We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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