I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
