how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
