mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
