Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
there is puke in my bra ... again
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