it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
