her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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