wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
