dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
