Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
