I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How does one acquire holy water?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
