I hate your face
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
