So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
