You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
