My first STD was from a foam party
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
