Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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