Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
