If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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