It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
