I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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