God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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