i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
