Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
