if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
