do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
