I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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