I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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