So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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