i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
