I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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