My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
