We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
