Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I deserve this hangover.
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