so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
