Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
