Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
