You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
