i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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