Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
