I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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